Neda Talks

Love...Sinful...Forbidden

2011-08-29T00:33:00.003-04:00

I can say I had the blessing to experience, practice and touch real love. Growing up love was sacred, it was not naked or shameless. Relationships were slow and based on love. I remember hidden small coffee shops were the most beautiful places to remember where you could meet with your love on a cozy corner and butterflies flying inside.. Love was real. Love was and is still forbidden in Iran and that is what makes it so pure. Seeking for love is real, youth believe in love. blushing phone calls and hanging up phone calls if a mother or father picked up the phone was so innocent. Each time our gray old fashioned phone was ringing I had a hard beating heart, is it him?! My mother would curse me now if she knew all the late calls that woke her up was my fault!

I remember first semester in university I lend my book to a guy whom I never thought he would like me and when he returned it , there was a love letter inside.. My first love letter!!! I was so excited.. Not that it created any connection between me and him but I always thought it was only in romantic books and love novels that one would write an actual love letter..But there I was with a love letter in my hand ( English one !!!) whom did I have to talk to about this? Aida?..Nah.. I rushed home and called my aunt and she laughed! She said 'you will be out there and many might come to tell you they love you but the only thing you will listen to is your heart!'

I remember first time I have been kissed, I had fever for a week and I couldn't talk to anybody as if I have crossed the sacred line and I was a sinner. It was great! And sinfulness of it was making it even more lovely. Any careless touch at a taxi or a restaurant could blush me up to my ears. Oh I miss those feelings...Love was what you had to fight for it and oh wasn't that adventurous

We would go back to a cozy coffee shop on a hidden back street and fear of getting arrested to be in love was a joy. Even looking at each other was a big deal! Soon after some gained courage we started to hang out at each others' house. Knowing that it would be treated as a real crime by Islamic government! SO we should appreciate every moment of being together. We could sing, play, dance, read, cry, laugh, talk , cook , talk, talk and laugh...But clock was so cruel, it wouldn't last long and soon one of us being scared of nosy neighbors would sneak out and head home. I remember putting a check mark in my calender to remember each day of adventure!.. and remember all the good things about that day.. it is a shame that time washes good and bad both off your memory and there is no way to capture certain moments till forever.

I have had the blessing to love and even till today I love the same way. I have the blessing to know how to love.

Back to cozy coffee shop and we would stretch our one cup of coffee for 3 hours! Intelligence and art was what we were trained to talk about, to connect. Eastern love is sacred despite all flashy Hollywood love which has a beautiful face but an ugly inside, Eastern love is still sacred. Love is part of tradition not a way to multiply or share expenses ...Now I know it by heart .. I have been lucky to be born in Iran. Many times I regret to be an Iranian but now that I think my love and my emotions have no deep scar on them! Didn't I learn to love steady and slow in those smoky coffee shops... When love is fake, cruel, naked and forgetful, it is not love anymore but a shallow urge.

Back to cozy coffee shops and another university classmate expressed such a force of love that I could not stop shaking but even then I knew true love can not be forced.... He was an insecure little boy with a shy look . Sure a book full of poetris about how beautiful I am was a good feeding for my ego and self confidence but I was not talented enough to go on with fake love!.. Roses hidden within love notebook was such a beautiful gesture but there was nothing inside...Then I realized I have certain tastes and desires that could not be faked.. I was back to that coffee shop again but never with the forced love but with one that I truly loved!

Back to cozy coffee shop and being a literature student I would go on and on and on about true love, Shakespeare or semi political books such as 'animal farm'. But there I had someone that he would listen to me and deep inside I knew how I feel: IN LOVE!! It was great... I was waking up with a smile.. going to bed with a smile and I knew it... I knew it there is a warm stream in my blood constantly... Didn't I ace my all courses? It is true love multiplies and Love multiplied my brain, my skills.. How can I appreciate the one who gave me such a wonderful feeling? How can I ever tell him he played a great role in my life by teaching me how to love!

Back to cozy coffee shop and sure we could have some fight over NOTHING.. honestly NOTHING!! But I guess saying : I am sorry was such a sweet action followed by such nonsense fights!

Back to a cozy coffee shop and I came to decision that I want to learn to play ' Santour' Just to make me connected to him! I have tried music before and let's face it I was a failure! But I dared to try.. I was improving so fast and I loved it as it was opening new doors of communication.. this time less talk and more music! It was lovely..This time instead of a heartless music teacher I had him by me teaching to play...notes were not that boring anymore!

Back to coffee shops and I would innocently think about how to present a gift that I have bought with saving my allowance and taking bus instead of taxi home to have enough money to a purchase gifts for him or asking dad to give me money to buy something for myself! Hiding the gift inside book shelves and leaving it there, I would call and let him know there is something hidden there!.. It was a puzzle to solve!

Back to coffee shops and I was so drunk of love that I decided to put an end to this love before getting rotten or old! I knew first true love should not be the last one. I had such a confidence that I learned how to love and I will be fine leaving him ! Morning smiles were gone and phone calls were not interesting...

There was a hole in my heart...

But once I felt it so I can feel it again!.....
It took sometime...

Internet was a hip....chat rooms full of boys and girls.. coffee shops were getting less crowded and chat rooms were the new era's coffee shops! I started to chat to people around the world; Brazil, Peru, Lebanon, London, Canada, Iran!... day and night.. showing up to classes late... passing the courses with a C rather than good old A+!

I was back to a cozy coffee shop , this time on my own .....I can move to a place where I can explore more, rather than a cyber chat room exploring! .... and that was the end of an era for me...
1, 2, 3 years later I landed in Canada..

Here I went to coffee shop but it was not the same, it was a place to get coffee and feed caffeine addiction and run to work, run home, run to class.. run , run , run..
I was devistated but never hopeless..

No coffee shop...In my empty home there was one on the other side of phone, giving me hope, love and support...sending me Cds full of memorable songs and meaningful lyrics.... Love was not pronounced between us... .As it was a known fact but it hurt my feelings.. I shut the door and made myself blind to this love.. I don't regret it... I saved the love with replacing it with friendship!....

And then I was in love..shaking....fearful... different taste, different color,, different music........................

I had to build every inch of this love.. It was not easy.. It is still not easy....
Build,....collapse.. build.....collapse....build...collapse..

I want a cozy coffee shop and a large Cafe Glace and a true friend to listen.. talk...laugh.. cry.. and sing known songs and go through memories together....

I am walking on the edge...knowing if I lose love even for a moment...there will be nothing but collapse....

How far yet how close...

2011-03-16T13:34:00.043-04:00

How far, yet how close we are from our past

A blink away and all of a sudden I go back to my childhood pastimes, traveling to my mother’s hometown a little town named Sarab. Muddy paths between my younger uncle’s house and my grandmother’s mysterious house! How many times have I run through that path? I still have scars form falling on unpaved path from my bike. Buying homemade icy ice cream with highly chemical colored taste from a neighbour was an adventure which made all the kids connected! We were so connected, was it childhood or was it the small town making us so close. Where are those cousins now? Really far. I cannot have a meaningful sentence with them. Childhood was happiness, happiness and happiness. Bombing Iraq was above us but we were happy. Smell of fresh milk and I had no idea one day I will crave for that smell. I will crave for my grandmother’s yogurt wrap.

Where will I run? Where will I run that happy again?

A cold 'back room' of grandmother’s house was a biggest playground, with blankets and mattresses piled up on top of each other. They were my grandmother’s ‘jahiz’: which means what a newly wed girl would take with her to her husband’s house as means of their living or accessories for serving potential guests! That house was full of visiting grandkids and kids. Cotton sheets with bright colors shinning under the light projected from a high ceiling was the most beautiful color I have seen and the feeling of those sheets as a summer afternoon nap cover was amazing. I could give my head to my aunt’s gentle hands and she would brush my hair with her fingers and she would go on for hours doing this while talking to my mother. She was whom I loved with passion and respect. She was a political activist yet very Schick one! She used to smell like the' Clinique' perfume, I wonder how could she get one those days among her political ideology and busy life! Her kindness was always a ray of sunshine saving me from my mother’s demanding discipline.

In that house nobody told me any nighttime stories, but I remember making up stories for myself in a big guest room where we all slept as a family when visiting grandmother. Little stove in the room would sing us a lullaby putting us to sleep.

One day I remember waking up with chickenpox and I was so happy to have the blessing to be there. Being sick and being home alone in Tabriz was not my favorite part of life. Sarab was cold but being together and having dinner all together with cousins was fun! And then tea would come followed by grown-up talks, being a kid I could listen or whenever I was bored I could take off to the cool back room, passing kitchen and I would be there. There was no obligation to be part of a lengthy conversation or being in front of 21 inch black and white television set.

There was a ISHKAF; a wardrobe inside 'back room', no wonder I liked that room so much! And grandmother’s so-called fancy clothes were there. They were worn only for special occasions. The whole closet smelled like some kind of a flower or an unknown scent that I can never find out what, it was simply grandmother's unique smell!

I remember mirror in the living room once was victim of my soccer game inside the room! And many times cookies put aside for norooz guests placed in front of that mirror were gone by my constant snacking, many times! Grandmother used to make those cookies herself ; Halva

My uncle’s house was just next-door. It was a modern version of grandmother’s house with two floors and all wall windows where I could chase sun through long summer days. Brown two-sided electric power door with an accessible door bell which was not too high to reach, I could ring that bell and could see right away an opening window from upstairs checking the visitor. My aunt ‘s kitchen was a different one! With a carpet in between where she would hang out with my cousins and talk for hours and laugh! I can still hear their laughter! Then she would serve food on small plates, my mother never got the idea! There was no rule in that house. No certain morning wake up call! I remember days opening my eyes being in my cousin’s room while ‘sobh e jome bashoma’ was airing. Oh didn’t I love that goofy radio show. Jokes after jokes and sitcom style of plots. Even today I follow such shows! And the fun was getting even more when we found out aunt will bring us another cousin! I remember that summer I spent the whole 3 months there playing with my new born cousin ; Farzad .He was the one I could practice my childhood mothering instinct , I could pamper him like a doll! A real doll that I could feed, put to bed, till I got sick and I had to go back to Tabriz home, where there was a whole renovation going on. I hated that phase. My books, my room was not accessible and we had to share rooms and give the contractors food and then clean and clean and clean. My mother was the only one interested in renovations and change of design.We all played a passive part in these kind of projects! Poor mother was on her own...She had the ambition to improve lifestyle consonantly, now I get it.

Another trip within Sarab was a 20-minute walk to my mother’s sister’s house. Walking by a pubic Turkish bath and through narrow allies, crossing the main streets and getting closer to a boring side street with no stores to watch! And another narrow street leading to a clinic on the opposite side of my aunt’s house. In this girl-free zone my aunt would cherish any female visit! But there was a Gestapo style of germaphobic rules! No wet shoes inside the room, extra rinsing after shower and so on!Lasting more than couple of days there wouldn’t be easy! It was far from center of the action! Back to grandmother’s house was like being back into my kingdom!

Tabriz to Sarab was a two to three hour drive. A short nap and then looking at other car’s license plates trying to find a relevance to their model year and the number. Or counting number of buses would occupy the time! And then a fast run to the covered entrance of grandmother’s would be the end of the trip. That entrance would be usually watered by grandmother as a welcome to her daughter and her family.

How far and yet how close those days seem to be! I can just close my eyes and let my mind take me to those smells and colors....

Grandmother I miss you and I miss my childhood....Have you stored that in some ishkaf for me?

To a Friend whom I love the most!

2010-10-13T19:25:00.002-04:00

Your thoughts, (which are also energy) which are determined by your beliefs which in turn form your perceptions, are broadcast outward into the infinite field of "wave" energy much like a radio frequency, transformed from waves (spiritual realm) to particles (matter) and join together with additional energies which vibrate at a harmonious frequency and collectively join to shape what you come to see and experience in physical form in the physical world. YOUR physical world.

You quite literally have the ability to mold and shape the various areas of your life, based on how you choose to think, believe and feel!!

Just as the mystics and masters have shared for thousands of years, that is how our world was created to operate. Regardless of what you may currently believe to be true, you ARE NOT the victim of some capricious set of external events, conditions and circumstances. You are quite literally the creator of your reality!!

You are the artist that paints the picture. You are the producer and director of your own movie. If you want to change the scene on the canvas you only need use a different brush. If you don't like the scenes that are being played out in your movie you only need change the script which is responsible for creating them. If you desire to change the events, conditions, and circumstances in your life you only need change the thoughts, beliefs and emotions that are responsible for bringing them into and making them your reality.

In a nutshell.....

Whatever you think about and believe to be true regardless if those beliefs are based on "real truth" or "perceived truth" are what determines how your life will unfold.

Quantum Physics has shown us that there exists no such thing as "untruth" only physical experiences in each area of our life which are formed based on our individual "perceptions" of truth.

Quantum physics tells us that it is the act of observing an object (events, conditions and circumstances) that causes it to be there and the outcome is based only on our choice and how we observe it. An object cannot and does not exist independently of its observer! link :http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/quantum-physics.html

Uplifting Revenue Talk...

2010-10-13T19:22:00.001-04:00

Here it comes another day, after so many days of doing almost the same thing. There is an illusion of variety in today’s life but not convincing enough. To sum up the daily routine the list could be something like: work, drive, eat, sleep and drive. Oh and for those who dare to get under some more debt: study!

Ambitions are there, knocking at your every cell; grow, grow, you can do it. You want to do it. You want to respond to your inner voice: Yes I can do it and I want to o it and I know how to do it. But here comes the heartbreaker: would it have any revenue? Would it sell? Is it worth sitting and creating something there is no use of it?

What if I don’t want to create anything with any use? What if I want to live my creating moments to the full and the most? What if I am tired and sick of certain people and their connection and seeing them climbing up the ladders of progression while there is not even a step in front of others, not talking about ladder!

What if I want to live my life and my life equals to happiness. Oh man what is the debt to asset ratio, or liquidity of such business? None! There must be a new formula to live, to breathe without spending some fake money we have been introduced to, thanks to the modern life.

I have come a long way; moved out to live, leave what I had or could have and my best friends. I have done this to be happy. To be able to love freely and smile and laugh with no question. Yet even here it is not the free world, in my homeland there were chains of norms and rules and dark religion and here there is only one chain and oh isn’t that heavy and impossible to ignore? This great chain has been named: belongings, or to be more sophisticated: Assets. You are a wonderful person, young, full of life, energy and happiness, and no asset? That needs to be changed ASAP.

Schools are no longer a place to discover, party, socialize, and make friends for life. It is a place where you learn the LANGUAGE. Only learning about tools to make assets. How is that anything to do with science? What happened to the formulas? How about deep philosophical theories and deeper conversations between professors and students? Where are humble parties after class and catch up with friends? Oh the system does not allow students be friends, as all of us competitors rather than friends. Whoever is closer to obtain revenue is considered successful and there is no need for friends if you are successful, right? There is no need for serious human bonds between people any more. Talk about short term and long term bonds!

Facebook and cyber places have ruined human relationships and yet people who have done such a crime are being rewarded by billions of precious green paper!

People have lost the sensation among each other, and they have lost the connection with their own wishes and desires. Desires are all calculatable ! Give me a calculator and I can estimate your wish…I have gone to school and I can do that ( possibly)!! A big house and a car and a mansion, that brings us to a total of 3 million dollars. Maybe I have to start a business generating high revenues: www.estimateyourwish.ca I will chose ca extension to my website just to show how I am grateful to be in Canada. Canada I love you. But can you wake up? Shaken up yourself and ask yourself do you really have to go a path that states have gone and failed? Land of peace and hippies help us to GROW as people not revenue generators! Salut to Canada, Salut to whoever questions this system and seeks for difference.

Iran..Democracy...June 2009

2009-09-28T17:05:00.007-04:00

And democracy was what they named it...

Happiness was lost its shyness and it came out on the street,naked. People put happiness in their arms and danced to the melody of freedom. It has been a long time people didn't have a common reason to celebrate , to laugh .(Soccer games were the only reason in the last two decades to come to the streets , hence it was not out of damages to innocent car bumpers.)

Laughter and joy was there...streets became alive...music was on the air...

then...

streets were covered by blood...blood of happy people...who dared to be happy? who dared to laugh?.Freedom got tolerated for a reason...tolerance was a bribe paid to people to buy their votes...and where are the votes gone? Bought votes are no longer possession of the voters,are they?

For the last couple of decades ,Iran was always on the news: Nuclear weapons, Islamic Republic, Freedom of Speech and so on.The propaganda hand in hand with the cruelty of the barbarian government made a good reputation for Iran and Iranians.No one from any nation could hear about Iran and resist to think of terror.

Iranians ashamed of their reputation ...ashamed of calling themselves Iranians always to introduce themselves as Persians, maybe that glorious name could give them some respect.Persian empire and its power has vanished yet some people are still carrying the same blood as noble Persians.They are still noble but tired of encountering the dark, deaf regime.

What made people to believe in freedom this time? What made them believe that THEY have been changed, THEY will not shoot them in their hearts and minds? What made people to smile again without hiding it? Any nation has a tendency to believe in positive thoughts .Iranians after 30 years of living in a different environment than any other country had an urge to think positive, to start to believe in uniting. They have experienced revolution which started from streets, homes and little parties. New generation heard the stories , wanted to make a difference just like their parents did 30 years ago.

Parents have lived this life before. They have felt the passion and patriotic sensation and they opened up their arms once more to danger, to uncertainty. One might think why? Haven’t they learned enough? Haven’t they got the wisdom of not countering with THIS regime? Why o Why?!Why did they let their children be a canvas for an ugly drawing once more in Iran’s history? When heart knows head stops thinking , as one saying says. Iranian’s heart start to believe that for once they can desire, they can dare to demand something. And yet lesson has learnt : NO to anything they want is the only way to control over them.

Sad people are easy to rule around. Happy people will taste the happiness and will want more. Just like good wine which is forbidden to the Iranians, what if they taste it and they want more?It is 30 years now that no one has tasted Shiraz wine, which belongs to Iranian .Wine is their culture and happiness is in their blood but culture is hidden in the back room of the old castle and blood is frozen in the veins.
Oh Iran….when will you disappear from nuclear danger news or human’s right neglect list..It seems only a hand from above will be able to remove the dirt from your beautiful face .

"Neda"s and all who were killed every day and yet they are alive under the cloud of pure darkness ( pretending to be eternal light),you are admirable to survive in this tough air.But please and please do not fall for another trick, please and please do not open your "SHENASNAM"s once more to their rape. Election is what they have. They will put a trap on your way , they will feed you with promises and temporary freedom to drag you to vote .After showing off on the global media of your support , they will kill you on the streets afterward and you will be pitied by other nations , but is that you want ? To be pitied by others? Aren’t you the nation of dignity, poetry and literature, great mathematicians and philosophers?Aren’t you tired of falling to same trap again and again?

A lesson to be learned: DO NOT vote

A path to follow: Be united in hearts not in front of them.Have your happiness to wear a veil on the streets .Harsh darkness will make your happiness pale very soon.

Believe in nothing but in yourselves.

Never again….never again ..no vote …your votes will be lost on their way to their destination.

To be continued………..

"Neda: is name of a girl who was killed on June -2009 after election on a street watching the protesters-Tehran.She was not participating in any political acts"
"Shenasname: a birth certificate which gets stamped voting."

Scar faces

2008-11-05T12:27:00.001-05:00

Gray sky could not be enough to make such a scar on nation’s face yet impossible possible is more than enough to make people fed up with everything even themselves.
Smile is a myth forgotten long time ago. Faces are frowned in deep fear and hatred toward harsh life. Although hard time has passed according to media and capitalism has spread its liberating (?) wings over broad sky of Russia air is too heavy to breathe.
Intelligence is in the same gray hole of dark drunk, and to a bright future one still is obligated to go through the shabby hall .Hall of fame is targeted with several guns , actual guns, jealousy of others and proven idiot government.
Media is full of colors yet everything in reality is black and white, if white is not covered by the smoke of old trains and cars. Western style malls spelled in English –Russian way may ease the eye from grayness for a second but ease for life in people’s life is so obviously missing.
Glamor in the other hand is like a cheap prostitute painted in all colors standing on the corner of the poor neighborhood squeezes any visitor’s heart. Glamor is what others want to make priority in a growing country to grab the chance for creativity from the nation which needs to stand up and take steps toward real growth and development.
Russia, great power, great culture is in the cage of super powers. Focused on high tech weapons and nuke, authorities are so busy with building a super power in the eyes of globe that forgot the people. People are the first to be forgotten so far in any era in Russia. Socialism/Communism was for people against people (!!) and now nothing is changed .This time they are not the creative nation of communism they are just blind followers of the US.
Price tags decorated with huge amount of not Rubles but Euros are like one piece of sushi in front of starving eyes. One can not have it but desires it although he knows that one piece has no value but prestige.

Suffer has lead people to create art master pieces in the past but now Fashion is the outstanding so called art in Russia. Pushkin is just a statue on the other side of a coffee shop in St. Petersburg .Past is too bloody to remember and future is so blurry to see, being lucky is desire of people at this time even if it will be achievable by conducting useless suspicious act such as wiping dust out of historic sculptures! No one even knows why they have been built but they sure know clean feet of these massive sculptures will bring opportunities in their lives.
Beauty of historical touches on the scar face of cities is only reason to smile. Europe is here ,yet life style is so far from European easy life.
Who to blame is not the case, how to fix is the concern. How to plant smile on faces and take off the deep route of negative feelings from hearts? Faces are tensely against smile and eyes are vacant , no light of life nor hope .Long boots and Gucci bags are every where but no village smile is left. Which one is better: smile or being a fake American?

Neda
November 2008/After a short yet long Russian trip
A bouquet of love and flowers to Russians, nation of literature, art and heroes. May sun shine in their difficult life as soon as possible.

Classical elements so long!

2008-06-30T16:30:00.000-04:00

Earth, Water, Air, Fire, and sometimes also "Idea"were the elements of life and balance was rulling over universe and harmony was the main charachteristics of each day and peace seemed eternal although lions were yet killing foxes and foxes were hunting rabbits and rabitts were knocking down grass .Cycle was on and on .No cruelity was defined and life was just life .Faith was tangible and all chakras were full of freshness .Layers of truth not covered by interpretations and misunderstandyings .Ideas were existing and truth was not curropted by temptations .Till time brought a deadly souvinier ,Satan’s gift .

Ideas got dependant to gold, power and acceptance in society.Galiles were harrased and thinking was aborted . Freedom songs got swallowed and grayness came in to all skies.

Money got invented and power shaped .Kings and crowns and their clowns were born .Cruelity was not for surviving anymore but for money and power.Believes went under the umbrella of fear and thoughts were blocked.Memories of freedom vanished.Slavery started with power-related intentions and human stand against humanity.Power was a blood covering eyes all eyes and third eye was far gone as well as pure feelings and unpolished thoughts.

Modernity was the fruit of money and power’s union and yet it shaped in a User-Friendly design althogh was the real weapon targetting mankind.Robots came to action and mass production change the meaning of attempt and creativity .Hands and legs as weel as brain went on a long-term brake .

Creativity got ignored and bar code of modern time hacked on forehead of any new born baby and purposes of each individual’s journey of life programmed in hands of power.One group was sentenced to be in third world and the other was sentenced to be in a first world .One was slave of belief and other slave of anti-belief

Power got into people like a malady just like a dark ink in pure water .Humanity got lost . Thoughts were shredded.Monks got into power traps and right or wrong came to the same point of no point!

Time is a mess and seems no pure existance survived .

Printing , flying in the sky and talking far distances and walking long distances are no more dream of a mankind ,man found whatever he wanted .We are all Adams lost in heaven! Like a bird with a big cage with lots of food.lots of water which doesn’t want to fly..no more need to fly any way.

Happiness is in hands of power so as sadness .One news title can take people till extreme depression and balck hole of fear and one pill can take man till ultimate destination of happiness.Human does not exist without an external entity.

Like a leech .Nothing inside but a desire to swallow whatever around no matter of taste or feeling .

Is it time to get together and re-assemble the whole pure existance and expand all over again or that is the end? spirit is lost in small pieces which are floating in universe with no aim nor desire.Flying where wind of power takes them.There is no noman’s land ,no more fields to farm and no unknown to discover .( as Modernity convience humanity to stop struggling and live eyeryday life )

Aristotales and Platoes seem like allians far come and far gone .

There is a sun in the sky but let’s take our own little lantern and look for it.If no looking for there will be no finding

Iran-Canada game today!

2008-04-04T12:08:00.001-04:00

On a gloomy Friday afternoon all of a sudden got the homesick feeling not because of being bored or for the reason of a laziness of a blurry afternoon but in between the tasks which is called productivity at work (!!) ..I feel like a bird imprisoned in an office...

Thanks to the modern life of 2008 ..home sweet home is away like my fingers from my hand! Typed in the golden words: www.radiojavan.com now the distance is shortened and I am in a home related link which connects me to the tones of Iran!
First song was from an ‘old stranger man in town’ that is what he calls himself ..it made me smile ...second song was from a cheaper singer of L.A living Iranian and third one made butterflies fly in my stomach and fourth one made me disgusted...me attacked by many feeling!

I am connected to Iran but this is not Iran. this is the made up music by west in name of great Persia...Iranian music was ( and is ) in other page than Western music ..even pop music of Iran 30 years ago was the combination of tradition and politics ( e.g Marzie .) but now it is the combo of Justin and Madonna in a horrible way..!

Disappointed of songs threw myself to keyboard to type: Ferdowsi and get some inspiring poetries from him and of course he is from Iran and his web page is Iranisn when I started to search I totally forgot that web page and Iranians are like fire and water..!! they are not related to each other but kind of against each other!!!! Not a single website supports Iran and not a single Iranian has a well presented web page!!! that was a mistake to read Ferdrowsi On-line..made a phone call to Father to send me the hard(est) copy that he can find !( never again even will attempt to search for ancient persian writtings on-line!)

Tired of exploring while I am working and getting distracted by my main job (!!) ...just simply switched to CBC radio...Is Canada my Home? Even if it is not my real home but at least its broad cast is understandable and has a web site where I can get any detailed information that I want with no pop-ups and commercials of smiley faces !!!( despite Hillary Clinton’s web site !!)

So between Iran and Canada who won so far? Canada
Canada 1-Iran 0 ....till next comparison between Iran and Canada so long !!

P.S.I did not have any intentions to write a comedy theme ...but it seems whatever related to Iran will end up to a hysteric laugh or sarcasm !

Horton hears who...

2008-03-31T10:12:00.009-04:00

Imagination has been eliminated and may be aborted since the early childhood !
Children sometimes have nightmares of being a homeless ,Mom and Dad not paying the mortgage!
Children dream of not butterflies nor mermaids but batman or wii new edition-2008..

Their dolls are not talking to them anymore and they do not hear imaginary voices ..what they touch is not their cars or bikes but remote control or a mouse ..their eyes are not staring at the birds or skies to find the well-shaped clouds since LCD-flat monitors are around...

Their heroes are not Daddies..they have no clue of who they are or the family tree ...Cousins are not the best friends to play with...neighbor’s kid is the only partner of games 14 + ...Parents should not know about the violence ..

And here it is the movie of imagination...Horton is not a well dressed junior 007 type on a fancy car or bike...!He is an elephant in a jungle. Did I mention Jungle? Yes there are some woods out there...not fenced and controlled number of animals .Not fed by generous human against animal cruelty.

Horton has humor and at the same time seems dumb but he is the one with a kind heart deep inside and humming around and chilling next to the river under the real sun..

This cartoon is not another paid commercial of any games or products..It is a real –real kid movie...!

Mayor ‘s son is one of kids who has no interest in parents and desires to discover himself and sisters of him are fighting for hair brush...here is the first lesson for baby boys : girls may fight for brush and they like to wear pink and be the best for Daddy !That is a sweet scene...

Horton hears who gives the idea to 21st century kids to dare to imagine... to talk to particles around and who knows maybe they can hear back...who knows they can be the savior of a big city...they can be a hero ..( if this word exists anymore for youth)

The Whoville houses are not similar to any of homes around so no kid will annoys parents saying: I want that! They had big chandelier and a pool in back yard. in that little city there was not ski resort ..Everyone was skiing on streets all together...

In that little who city, there was a square to gather people’s fear-anger-happiness...what you have in your plate you can bring it to this square and discuss it as a member of a Whoville!

The good point of this cartoon is being away from any product placement but it was not far from propaganda suggestive point of view to specific nation.
Kids (specially in North America) are living next to each other from different parts of the world ...east-west-north-west-terrorist named-mafia reputed spots...

Teaching them who is better than other is the last thing that Canadian parents would love to do with their kids...Why the weird murderer of the carton should be Vlad( short from of Vladimir)..? And Vlad happened to be one of the most popular Russian named..such a coincidence ha?!

Will any one question the writer –director of this cartoon about the intentions of such a role design? That is so nice of director did not mention anything about Taliban and covered ladies...

Such a nice project why should it be poisoned by the propaganda hint?(Although very minor)

Let’s thank all the people behind this nice animation and hope them more diversity acceptance .Hope our kids understand the intentions behind these stereo typing and ignore them.

Vlad or Brad, John, Ali are all people and anyone could be bad or good no matter of nationality!

Humanity is not a practice it is a truth and it exists, no matter how it is treated.Truth is not changable nor shapable by media !

Neda , March 31st-2008

Iran-A big Confusion

2008-02-12T12:50:00.001-05:00

Iran: birth place of civilization?
Iran: Confusion of Religion?
Iran: Oil?
Iran: Nuclear weapon?
Iran: barbarism?
Iran: Taliban?
Iran: Shiraz wine?
Iran: Negro?
Iran: white?
Iran: Arian, Arab?
Iran: ....?

Iran has been a big question mark for a long time, books and movies are the only mirage of this ancient country in eyes of different nations. Eastern ad Western Mass media has been created scary indeed and depressing at the same time image of Iran in people’s mind as if they had a mission to create the ugliest picture of all times and sure they were successful in this competition so far. Although people whom thinking is not in their daily busy schedule the ones who do not even have any clear idea bout their own president can not be blamed .
But what about the ones that want to know more, they think and ask and they are curious? What is Iran? Is it the make up worn face of the actress representing Iran in film festival or the pony tailed director with hippie glasses? or maybe it is Ahmadi nejad not missing even one headline of the hot news. Maybe Iran is the home of confused youth with designer’s sunglasses and starving for more and more university degrees?

While ago we spread civilization, knowledge ,humanity all over the world .The knowledge that West now starts to know about it! We survived the knowledge but ourselves sank in Barbarism.

There is a going flame in my chest, I have a pity toward my nation, my motherland , I have a pity to my very own self, As if I am an advocate of other nation’s enlightenment toward Iran...Leave me alone, I am not full of shame for being an Iranian, my pain is the corrupted mirage of my land....Secret Ballot movie was the last sword that landed on my body...come on people...Turkish- Arabic-Persian accent of us is not the big deal ,our pain is not wearing Gucci or not wearing D & G ,our pain is not stainless steel fridge and stone counter nor MTV.. our pain is being lost! Our pain is from the very deep wound.

Time that my people are spending on shopping the capitalism gift is the time used against them to picture them as wild beasts. AAA my people why postponing a minute of thinking to other day? You are busy with what? That has been a while that 5 + kids in family is not usual, excuse of being involve with family life does not seem the right excuse of not thinking...Farms have been dried to make glamorous towers and there is no cow to be milked by you, so you are busy with what!? Time of your creation, thoughts has been occupied with which demon?

I have a great pain on my chest...a burning flame..

For sure each time of introducing myself as an Iranian there is a hidden tear in my eye ,my tear is not from shame but from fear of ugly picture of us in other minds..that untrue picture and the propaganda image is my grieve.

Other people like us ..but the ones that do not want any headaches prefer to ignore us..we are an ugly spot on their perfect planet.

Constant tension in our nation made us so paranoid, so aggressive that the most ignorable cruelty seems so harsh to us, we want to grab the closest sword and tear off all the cruelty all at once all alone.. Cruelty, Injustice have stolen our patience .

Unhealthy political-social life of our nation wounded us terribly, relief of this pain is so not simple .our wounds seem still new ..We want immediate cure for this wounds in any costs.. in any names..

My Shiraz, My Tabriz, My mountains, My Caspian, my Perspolise, my Lout Desert, my Persian( Arabic) Gulf , jungles, rivers ... let’s wish our people an eye to see. A desire to think , till there is no thoughts in vacant minds we will be wounded .Wounded and ugly.....

chehreye Iran-sardargomi

2008-02-12T10:05:00.000-05:00

(az hameie doostan ozr mikhaham ke majbooram Farsi-English type konam.computere mahale kar zabane kohane parsi ra nemishnasad!Az anjaei ke doostan dark mikonand,lahazaty ast ke bayad nevesht hatta agar zaban o keyboard tanasokhy nadashte bashand...bayad nevesht...!)

Iran: mahde tammadon?
Iran: sardar gomie mazhab?
Iran: naft?
Iran: Nirooye Hastey?
Iran: barbaryyta?
Iran: Taliban?
Iran: Shareb e Shiraz?
Iran: Dyare kohan?
Iran: Baghe ada'm?
Iran:Siah?
iran: Sepid?
Iran: Aryian,Arab..?

Iran hamare soalbarangiz ast,ketabha va filmha hastand ke tarhy mahv az in keshvare kohan dar azhane melal miafarinand.Rasanehaye gooroohie gharb o shargh chehrey bas mahib o afsorde konande dar eine hal gheir e ensani afarideand o mardomi ke por fekr kardan dar marameshan nemigonjad haman ra niz ghabool kardeand o dideshan mosavi ba dide yek shahrvand e garne 21 ast be asre hajaryyat,dar aan mardom sokhani nist..che basa tasvire ishan az raees joomhoore khish nist sahih nabashad..
ama taklife mardomi ke mibinand,miporsnad ,konjkavand dar in mian chist?roosarye kenar rafteye Nikki Kariimi dar festivalhaye film o tasvirpardazie makhmalbaf o shere azadi gostare akhavan ya didane hame roozeye Ahmadinejad dar akhabr ..police e mod e tehran o sayer e shahrha..tajanosi in mian nist..tadol maniash ra bakhte ast .

diri ast ke tammadon gostardeim..diri ast ke daneshi darim ke bad az garnha gharb nam namak be motale mineshinad...vali in tasvire movahhesh tasvire dorosty az ma nist...

Dele man misoozad be mellat,diare khodam..delem be hale khodam misoozad ke gooya namayandei hastam baraye roshangari..rahatam bogzarid...darde man Irani boodan nist...darde man in hame tasvire mahv o motafavet ast...film e Ra'y e Makhfi gooya khanjar e akhari bod ke saty ghabl bar delam neshast...Mellat lahjeye torki ya arab dashtan darde ma nist...darde ma Gucci ya Dolce & Gabanna,Mobl e Istikbal o stainless steel fridge nist..darde ma bas amightar ast...bazare jahani taleash ra dar damanetan pahn karde ast.Zamani ke shoma baraye kharide in ya an separy kardeid haman zaman bar aleihe shoma estefade shode ast...

vaay bar ma ke fekr kardan ra be hengame degar fekandeim o khod ra mashghool kardeim..mashghool e be che?nemidanam...diri ast ke degar 5 va bishtar koodak dar khanevadehaman nist ke begooeeym farzandan oghateman ra gerefteand ya bar sare mazrae gaav nemidooshim ke ezhar konim kar e sakht ma ra khaste karde ast o majal e taffakor namande ast...moghol diri ast ke ketabkhaneha ra soozande ast ama hala che?!

Dele man sakht ghogha ast...va har bar ke name Iranam bar zaban miaiad yagin gatre ashki nahan dar cheshmanam nagsh baste ast...ashki na az sharm balke az dard...

Mardoaman e degar ma ra doost darand,nakhaste ma ra mikhahand ama aanha ke sardard nemikhahand ma ra ham nekhahand khast ...darde modam dar ma ,ma ra gahan hamchon babri ghorran yaaghi mikonad,gah koochaktarin bi edalaty chenan dar ma asare manfi migozarad ke mikhahim har aanche zolm ast aanan dar ham bekoobim...zolm,biedalaty chandi ast ke amane sabr e ma ra boride ast...darde ma ra sabri nist...

shenideim ke aangah ke cellolhaye taneman modava nemishavand aan digar celloollha khodkoshi khahand kard ta khateme dahand be dard o zakhm o nasaalemi...

ma gaahi deraz ast ke nasalem zisteym..zakhmhaman modava nashode ast...zakhmhaman darman mijooyand be har nahv...be har geymat...hata be geymat e mahkoom shodan be khooshanat...barbarryyat..

Perspolise man...dasht e loot e man ..khazar e man...omman e man...khalije fars/arab e man...jangalha.koohhaa...shahrha....majali nist biaeed darman konim anan ke zakhmieman kardeand..darmangarye aanan shayad majale ziztaneman dahad ba imaeey behtar!

Pesepolis in me...Persepolis in you....(thanks to Marjane Satrapi )

2008-02-04T09:39:00.000-05:00

Stepping out, I am a criminal who could be arrested any time, I am the victim, I am the murderer at the same time...

I have a body which is attractive to men and I am proud of my body and my face and I love music and I am straight and like to communicate even with men...I am the sinner and I deserve threatening, humiliation I am guilty...

People around are like me but fear and deep insecurity reshaped them, values are different, different than anywhere on this planet...

My scarf is pink, my socks are white and I am smiling. How I am not sinner?!

I wear lipstick and I am as bad a cheap prostitute on the street ...Lip stick is my forbidden weapon I will not give it up

Dancing is a forbidden underground event and I may loose my future, my life, my friends since I have danced in parties...who knows in one of those parties I might shake hands with other gender ..

I have studied with people and I 've talked about freedom and right after I was invited to dean’s office to get attitude how bad I am and how my family is a garbage to raise me like this and that THEY can imprison my father because of my misbehaving...

I have been smiling in school with the song (NOHEH ) for Shahids and I have been very lucky that principle did not send me to hell...She just made me cry and bleed from fear for next 15 days ..

I have thrown away school’s notebook where students name was listed the ones that had VCR player or satellites...I am that guilty girl...

Now ‘I have paid the price...’ not seeing my be-loved ones. Who knows whom I will never see again.. But life goes on and on, no matter who rules on one piece of land..no matter what people chose and still choose on that Holy-ancient land...birth place of very first civilization...

I do not wear lipstick any more ,I gave up the weapon- here and there I cry for my nation, for just being an Iranian....

God ...kindest power ...pure power....don’t spread your hands to save that nation but give them wisdom to see the truth ,give them power and courage to change the future,....plenty of time we have been under cruelty , in the name of emperors ,in the name of Islam....

People...People what you have done to yourself...to humanity... to your generations...make a move ...

Feb the 4th..loved the movie 'Pesepolis'-Marjane Satrapi

Pain-change

2008-01-24T09:50:00.000-05:00

They say once upon a time ,earth was tired of being flat...sun was beautiful shinning in the sky but earth had nothing to offer to that golden beauty.

It happened one day, earth felt the breeze of a fresh day on his skin and started a new change, he gathered all he had inside, got the courage from blue sky and golden sun and start....
Start to feel the pain, and gave birth to mountains ...mountains were roaring and coming up ,so beautiful but painful ....earth was shaking ....sky cried for him to make him calm...clouds sent him rivers and seas ...now that he wanted the change all universe was offering him new adventures...that non moving earth now desires for a change...

Time was passing not fast, not too slow...

Days passed....pain has been gone and another breeze of fresh day woke up earth... eyes got tearful of all that beauty.....pain brought him new beauties...mountains ,rivers and above sky, shinny ,smiling sun...

Today can be the day for any one to think of a change ..and each change will be accompanied with pain....get the courage and just do it..

Skin of the earth ....

2008-01-08T13:15:00.000-05:00

Time spreads its wing on day ..
More day is flying toward its end ...an uneasy feeling, gloominess appears...

Far from where I started and very far from my nest I flew toward to the freedom land. But it seems there is no freedom....When you are free of nostalgia you are loaded by injustice and now justice is all over around nostalgia is loading inside..more and more ..Deeper and deeper..

WHAT I WANT ..is to be home..no matter what the name of home is which borders are getting an specific land ‘s possession ,I want to be home..I want to be free .......

Again and Again all my curse comes to the injustice powers and dirty politics that made one part free than others and other part like a scar on face of this universe...

But my scar is growing deeper and deeper more I think of WHYs and HOWs....

Lands are the same but corrupted thoughts and rotten traditions made us LIKE ME homeless .I could not stand on that land which breathe of it smells as all past ..But also my routs are in that land...above the earth...even under that soil....I want to catch that part of earth and stretch it toward me....

Earth let me redirect your skin....

Single or not-useless flesh

2008-01-04T10:12:00.000-05:00

When there is no one but you, you think of progress, moving forward, motivating yourself and being hopeful to get the best of all..
Single, alone, whatever the name is may make you sad in one way: Being ALONE..

Some times being single is a great blessing which nothing is centered but you, focused on you and you. You can make you smile easily; you can grab a book and read it freely all over night if you wish to, you can cry for no reason. You can hang out even with WRONG people and tomorrow forget..

Do not know why all media, life style, parental guides are suggesting not being alone...maybe it is easier to be under controlled for both sides to have someone as a stop..! Why there is no single luxury room in Hotels or a meal ENOUGH for one?

After getting couple. love bird is singing on all branches of life every moment...but when wind blows the starting passion away...all you have to take care of is your appearance, hair, face, skin and nothing but partner’s satisfaction..

You may be called old in your 20s and feel like an old person who has not done anything in life and life is closing its doors on you..

Why is like that/?

Why being partner of some one leads to sacrifice?

Did I miss being alone? hard to say...we are forcing ourselves to get used to someone /something go through all difficulties and at the end feel like being alone..

Maybe it is the way it is supposed to be...

I am still in love and I do not want any one but the one I am in love with...
I will take care of my hair, my appearance and my skin and beside I will study-read-live...I will be smart enough not to end up like a house wife doing grocery and preparing bed...I will not end up like that...

Limits...HATES

2007-10-31T10:49:00.000-04:00

Life is a Limit where I was born and grew up and fell in love...

Love was a limit defined by anti-humanism, anti- love troops..
Adventure was in every minute of my life..

Being not very leashed to the existing rules I was walking on escalator on an opposite direction.

Opposite directed people was not few but since there was no categories, although we were not same but we seemed same...no matter you were against the flow because of no life commitment or methodology ..we were categorized as OTHERS...BAD ONES.

I Remember days of being with some one who was so not alike me but agree with my freedom and I was sentenced to be with her ...Now that I am categorizing those OTHERS I see the difference.....

My love was pure and my heart was so sure, but there was limiting fence between any desire of mine and love was not an exception behind these fences...

I do not like fences ,,,,...I want all direction oriented escalators ..In every angle of my brain that there is a belief or thought I should be able to let it out,

Hatred to all those people who were having their dark wings on us and presenting us nothing but fear,,,May all you go to where you belong...you belong to darkness and nowhere but darkness .

If there is a conversion to light form darkness I will be the first one to convert...

Film Festival-2007

2007-09-16T19:45:00.000-04:00

Edge of the Heaven: Kurdish Turk-German ,feminist movement of youth interfacing with 70’s hippies.Friendship regardless of borders and fighting for unknown reason just for the sake of showing anger and dissatisfaction …

Alexandra: Russian army and every day life story of a commanders and soldiers in an army camp hosting an old grandmother of a captain..of course fighting Muslims and how friendship is possible even between enemies and solitude of people is the path to new friendships and kindnesses,..no matter who we are..Muslim,non Muslim,communist or non we are PEOPLE !

Disengagement: Israeli-French movie.Being on THE OTHER SIDE always I have thought how cruel Zionists are to Palestinians….but it is the way they HAVE TO be…no choice…even toward to their own people…based on which logic and since when that is the question that probably has no answer at this moment but power starving of political monsters

Ulzhin: Paolo Coelho come to mind and his stories of journey of life and signs and positive people that STILL exist although very rare. And such a pleasant surprise that this time Muslim man is not a rubber nor an orthodox extreme nonthinking creature!

Frame...Manners

2007-09-15T01:06:00.000-04:00

Decided to live for myself….put my hairs up more often..dare not to put on fake face and not worry about accepted manners based on (…?)!!!

While I am on this decision tossing in my bed suddenly I remember the kindest creatures on my planet : how they are going to accept my life and my style?

Their picture of life is framed in best polished traditional ethnic frames and mine is placed in colorful one with not specific shape and wide open ,my picture could change to other one ,it would not even fit in any frame!

2007-08-10T10:35:00.001-04:00

«ـ برادرهاي يك بطن!
يك آفتاب ديگر را
پيش از طلوع روز بزرگش
خاموش
كرده اند!»

Your address ...

2007-07-27T16:06:00.000-04:00

Happiness is what you feel.

Some are happy with achievement
Others are happy with smooth flow of life
Some are happy with love
Some are happy with dependency
Others are happy with tearing down the dependency
Some are happy with vision
Others are happy with odor..
Some are happy with thinking of God.
Others are happy with denial of existence of any God.
Some even are happy with cleaning pest off their beloved horse stable.
So happiness is all about me and you…who we are ..what our taste is..

Happiness is a province with unlimited cities. We are traveling on this province, whenever we feel like we settle down. On Now street, Art lane, number 13…or Future street, Bright street number 15…we are free to choose...

What is your address? I will not judge you by your address…I don’t judge you what your number is whether it is 13 or 9 or 1…You are like me, I am like you although we are not neighbors

What is your address.?!

I am questioning,,,,

2007-07-24T21:41:00.000-04:00

I am questioning the fact that we HAVE to be with someone,,,gay or straight,..we have to be with someone..said by who?in past we wanted to manipulate..now with no passion to have any creature from us to suffer like us,,,,why we need to be with someone?

why did they teach us so strictly to believe that humans are social creatures who have to communicate around the clock and never host the peace and silence.

Is it the media again!?I would say yes…any movie/program is about couples or singles looking for mating.

Is it the banks?YES,,,joint account is better and as a couple you may go under bigger debts…

Is it the government ?YES,,,as couples you are so involved in conflict relationship that you don’t even have the energy to think about who sold what to who or who signed which commitment?(only single friends of mine know the book release,,,political events,,,,couples are miserably involved and drained physically and mentally,,,

Legs up,silence..a book and again silence...SILENCE...I don't want to communicate for a change,,I am a hermit..

But as a piece of that WHOLE,,,,we can’t fight .or as cliche says: we can’t swim off the flow,,, The arbitrary aspect of me-you-he-she is having OTHER side,,,

If I can find the answer It may be easier to tolerate the unfair effort of people of OTHER planet...
I am looking forward to find an answer,,I need to know..

A nightmare evening of mine.Heaviness of my hands and head is because of the illness or anger or helplessness or maybe it is the result of lack of hope to share with no bite on your tongue...

2007-06-27T08:52:00.000-04:00

Mr. President,

I don’t even want to bother and visit my own home,
You made the country as bad as possibly a place could be,
We have seen bad days and good days but these days are the worst.

Why should people be treated as animals? Always in battles to survive?

What is this new Fuel Distribution System? More you push people. More cruelity, stupidity will come up.

Look at youth, what you have done to them, a normal youth in Iran appears as a hardcore-stupid-dumb celebrities. Where else on the earth is like that!?

Mr. President,

Let us know what is your plan? What you want to do? Do you want to demolish our self-esteem? Do you want to make us feel as the most miserable creatures? Do you want to go back to stone ages that there was neither decision making nor thinking? Do you want to present us to world as the most barbarian nation? CONGRATULATIONS you have done it so well…Don’t try more than this..

Seeing the pictures of Iran online (Yes, you can’t control media these days) I had the anger to destroy, why you are arising the anger? Why you want to clear peace out of our minds and lives?

Tell me why should I HATE to check any Iranian website/news? Because I know every day there is going to be a new DISASTOROUSE story. A Disgusting report or picture about Youth in the WORST mental and emotional conditions.

Mr. President maybe our people are surrounded by the misery, they can’t see, maybe they are just tired of fight for food, fight for ideas, fight to go to university, fight to get married, fight to get into taxi, fight to have FUEL!

Don’t tell me that we are short in Oil/Fuel!!!And don’t tell me THIS IS THE ONLY WAY to save on gas,Don’t tell me it is the political way to control. Maybe you want to do some savings on gas to help all other miserable countries to show them humanity, while you are making us miserable?

Make it easier for all, how?:

I know a way to make your way easier, just shoot people. Just kill them all at once, like Nazi wanted to destroy the Non Arian Nations, you just pick the weapon and shoot us all, this time is the time for Arians (Iranians) God will bless you more, at least you don’t torture them.

Make a decision and let us know, we will be there in front of your guns to die but don’t forget to make sure we are all dead!
We have Pride, We have Souls, We are Humans, We are part of the light. Don't irritate the BEING part of us.think twice,you would know better ways..If you are just a toy to represent the preplanned nasty games,be honest with your people,let them know.

You are scared ,you are weak...You feel miserable and restless yourslef.Blame the people who put you in this trouble couple of years ago in election.Blame them,you are not designed for this.

2007-06-20T14:49:00.000-04:00

Dare to wish..

'They Say Destiny is solid ..

It is a huge barrier in front of our eyes, unreachable peak and unwanted happenings.'

Dare to wish, Dare to want and Dare to desire…

As you start to challenge the destiny and all the fates, it starts to pale, that big barrier turns into a mirage and disappearing.

Dare to wish is the first phase to call the destiny into a face-to-face battle.

Call it..

Once, twice or maybe more of a hard losses but destiny ‘s solidness is going to confess to defeat! Nothing is unchangeable. And nothing is predictable.

Hang in there and never fail to dare anything.Never forget your wishes and likes.
Never forget yourself.LIVE!

Dare to wish your country the best
Dare to desire a better life.
Dare to starve for a success and glory
Dare to want the best for the entire universe.

Dare is the joy of livelihood

Neda who dared to change in past 2 years

Expectation-Fair-Wound-OVER?!

2007-06-01T09:19:00.000-04:00

Hemophiliacs have been told to be careful not to have any kind of cut or it will be the last chance to live.-No matter how big the cut or what the cause of injury is .

There are so many wounds that can put an end to good emotions, no matter what the size of wound is, or how deep the cut, it is just the crack to let the positive things flow away.

What doesn’t kill you make you strong. But sometimes what doesn’t kill you just makes you drained, all the wounds may seem healable but the scars are standing forever.

More grown up we become, less ability to recover. Since being an adult, we know about DOS and DON’TS and putting the entire puzzle again to compare, to learn ,to avoid is not more enjoyable.

Universe is still on its trip and sun is the sun and moon is the moon, but feelings can be changed, can get hurt. Let’s stop assuming all wounds reparable and could be taken care LATER-The day After or SOON…let’s just avoid wounds. Harsh manners and ….

I can’t put my thoughts together any more,(Puzzle again messed up and puzzle is no more a game ,nor pleasant-time for REAL life) being so concerned and all best that I can make and do and still getting sharp and deep wounds doesn’t seem right nor fair….

The day when we are going to know ALL may not so far but since then should we open to all the wounds and UNWANTED interfaces?

Have to be just more careful about everything we have around us and nothing is around us by accident, they are there because we wanted them around. Unwanted things-thoughts-behaviors can be gone in a snap..1-2-3…and it is gone. Just name it!

Should I call it a history, should I heal my wound or avoid the next wound? Should I listen to my heart or my logic .

Coming from where I left just because of unfair behavior, expecting the whole new life, more getting to the idea that sky is the same everywhere and people are the ONE unity, makes me feel like asking why? WHY did I leave the land where was unfair although the unfair is spread everywhere and you are not treated as you treat others.

June 1, 2007

{Neda-demolished thoughts and mashed philosophy of unity of being with someone.-
Tired of being nice for some body (people) who doesn’t(don’t) care. If you are admitting them you are good otherwise you are bitch-bad-unwanted creature around.WHEN IS THE TIME I SEE THE FRUITE? WHEN IS IT…?Is it the time to start over..? }

Nostalgia-Home

2007-05-23T14:01:00.000-04:00

NOSTALGIA: returning home pain…is the meaning of word by word terms.(Latin root)

Home… where is HOME?

We all have a home since we come to this world, we have a nest, cage named body as of our the very first home, a second after home is the place which is a safest nest from any other ones. The safest home by Parents. We all tried to escape from and put an end of being a residence of parents place. But as soon as we step out, it is the flood of all life comings to us. No wall to protect us, no hand to support us, looking back to that safe zone makes us love our parents and all their support but it seems that the distance is the only way to give us view, while we are inside we don’t see the loving structure, all we see is the ugly bricks keeping us form flying!!

Our next home is a place where we live and we get used to the window to see the first sunshine of the day and the last star before sleep. Home is a place where we eat and clean and dust and talk and party and move to the other one.

But what makes us to miss home, where is home and why Nostalgia seems so annoying?

What makes home a sweet home is the MEMORIES of our first step, our first tooth and first friend and first word jumped out of our mouth and celebrated by loving ones, Home is the place we gathered with friends and had fun, gathered for studying but studying was the last thing to be happened, Home is where we argued and tried to push the generation gap behind, where we cried, where we laughed, where we felt bad and good both.
Home ,sweet home.

Home is where we wish to come back to at the end of each journey, where we dream about it in our hard times.
Home ,sweet home.

And what makes home even sweeter is to have love flowing in the air and at any moment of even restless peak the hope of staying flames inside.

Love doesn’t come in cans of sprays to spray in the air, you don’t need a device, a tool, a THING ,a PERSON to spray love in your sweet home, just open up your heart and let the light comes out.

Where we live, whom we live with, should see that light, then the love is going to occupy the whole home!

May your home be occupied all by love!

My home town Tabriz and my Country Iran,my parents and my friends I miss you all But I am not going to splash nostalgia … Earth is a carpet beneath our steps and sky is the roof, WORLD IS OUR HOME!.

Neda-before her trip(??)

Majority-Comfort zone

2007-05-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

Majority-Comfort zone.

If you are similar to the neighbor’s kid ,if you are drinking your milk and brushing your teeth on a regular daily basis with no question of why..you are a good kid.

If you study at school and just book based education processing no matter what is going on out of class, you are a good student

If you are answering to your e-mails in less than a minute and put all your life and energy and concern at your work and act like a dead wood you are an AWSOM employee.

If you are a house wife like others, making a pony tail while shopping and dressing up to restaurants and wearing high heels not because you like but because it s a MUST, you are the best woman.

If you finish your music and played all the notes, no matter what your feelings are toward music and how it affects your spirit, you are a great musician.

If you can finish an art piece just like others very neat and people-LIKABLE way, you are good, no matter you have a new idea or how it made your day just to paint for your own sake? No obligation in pleasure.

Some people are happy with finishing something and I am happy with the starting. Start is always fresh, it is always inspiring and enjoying, I may not finish a job, but the journey is enjoyable, for me the NOW and HERE is more important than THEN and THERE.

Call me Crazy, call me Irresponsible. Humiliate me, as my math teacher did, me not finishing up the formula, nag at me like my Mama did not finishing sewing lesson, complain about me as my Dad did about not finishing Piano till end, humiliate me like they do at work for I don’t put all my life on Papers.

This is who I am, used to criticize myself a lot: why I am like this, why I can’t put all my clothes in a same type folding shape…why I am careless,….why I have more bad hair days than others….but more I grow more I realize this is who I am and I should be happy with this, this doesn’t mean I am bad or good, I am Neda as It is and if I am horrible I wouldn’t have come to this world, if so why God created a disaster piece like me? was he tired of creating? Or did he just start to create Neda and left her unfinished? Undone!?Am I Undone Majority!?

We have to be in that Gold framed group, named Majority. This way we are definitely more welcomed in our family among our friends and mostly by our employer:
predictable,loyal,faithful!!!

Hippism brought the idea of being cool and so many people I have seen that they try SO hard to be careless, to be unpredictable!!why?!all of us are good and when we learn to make ourselves happy with our current existence(not the desired future planned one) we are the most fortunate person on the planet.

Some cultures stole the chance from us to live our own way, they brain washed us to believe in what they want us to believe, but CANADA the freedom land gave us the ground now spread the routs deep down on the earth or on the surface or wherever you like…live it….!

Let people look for that Comfort zone: TO BE ACCEPTABLE BY OTHERS

I am out of that comfort zone and I appreciate my current relationship, which gives me the wing to fly above all the roofs and dark rooms! I appreciate my new home and my new feelings,

I am happy with Neda!I am happy with Life..I am happy with sky-wind-sun-earth-stars-people……..

(I got an e-mail how bad I am dealing with TRANSFERING the call to my colleague..
How can a person be bad at just TRANSFERING the unrelated call to some one else!!!!Only mood-disorderd person can understand this!!)

J
Neda (Careless, Care Free,anti responsiblist)

2007-05-04T15:20:00.000-04:00

There is no doubt that our Eastern culture is more Other-Friendly.

If someone around me is not feeling well I would care and try to show sympathy even by making a cup of tea or showing my attention and even saying prayers in my own way .
(mostly I get this strange look that WHAT THE HELL? )

And the opposite is true about me, when I am down or feeling not well and my closest one does not care ,I get really shocked. I think humanity is not about culture not about training, it is just Humanity. Did west kill humanity!? Not really ,but maybe it is the way of its practice which is different, and also connecting everything toEconomy made it as a survival issue..(If I help the other what is going to happen to me? ME , ME ,ME!)

It happened to me when I was sick and I needed just to walk to hospital and my closest one even didn’t care to come. I got shocked and the pain from my illness was not as sharp as the pain in my heart. I couldn’t understand this behavior and the cruelty among OUTLANDER people (not from the same culture of mine).

It was a shock but it made me think: we are all alone, no one can feel the pain of others and no one can accompany the other in spiritual journeys of life, nor in the joy..

So many attempts have been applied by people to feel the unity and SAMENESS, some with music, some with drugs some with…But they way each of us feel is very unique.

We are all alone and reminding it sometimes seems scary but why scary? The superior power which we are the particle of it, is there and exists..We are alone and not alone at the same time. If we can get that connection following with unique confidence, we will be safe, having friends and getting sympathy is always lovely and healing but in case of getting none, panic seems stupid. We are alone but we have THAT light mother of ours.

We are all alone and sharing the life with someone doesn’t make any change, we are still alone …we are alone with our past, with our wishes,friends,likes,dislikes…sometime we may lead them to the same direction of the other person but it doesn’t change the fact that everything would be change except the current existence of me,you,he,she….Our spirit is going to stay in this body till end (of this life)

Others make us laugh, make us cry ,make us sad, make us happy…but they are just others. Others….and we are still by our very self.

Neda
May 4/07

P.S. I wrote it, reminding of Somayeh Amin,my close friend ,since childhood. We understand without talk, we talk with understanding!

Home-Poeple-Sun

2007-04-25T16:12:00.000-04:00

“And they don’t want to take any step to that beautiful peak with the shinning sun on top.
They decided to sit and just to look, they humiliate the people stepping toward that peak ,so unacknowledged about their humiliated sight ..It is their sight which doesn’t let them see people as they are, they are not bad, they are not good, there is no good nor bad,it is us ,it is us and our life.”

They blow their ideas in a hose, by time it gets stronger and stronger, the ideas which is not pure which nor fair someday are going to find the way out of that hose and God knows who is going to be shot by those personal ideas of some life quitters serving as a judge of others .

My country people! While ago you wrote the human rights for the very first time, when all darkness was ruling on the earth, you were the symbol of fair and truth, your mist culture used to be rich and pure, but you destroyed it by planting ‘I AM RIGHT,I AM THE BEST’ seeds.

Bring your glasses that you used to have wine in them and cruise in theology, philosophy I will fill them with flowers, but I am afraid you will kill those flowers by bad thoughts.
I will fill them by earth, you will ruin it.
I will fill them with happiness you will grieve .
I will fill them with emptiness; you will full fill it with NOTHING..

My people what should I offer you to make you live?

That has been a while you forgot to live, Sorry for me living my life, sorry if I didn’t stay with you to die my life, Sorry if I am here to celebrate any moment of my living,Now I have a wing by love and I will expand this love to all world, Sorry that I can love regardless of any borders ,sorry that I will not have any desire to fly in your sky.

Your sky has gone gray ,shame on you, you even made the holy sun to fill pity to be your God. Go and find other Gods of your own.

My people …I am sorry for you and your waste of life ..

God, health, wealth all with you.

Neda,April,15,2007

?

2007-04-25T15:37:00.000-04:00

alamate soal doro bare saram charkh mikhorad..
badi ya khoobi,dorosti ya nadorosti hich tarifi baraye man nadarad ..ke zistan dar hamin lahze ,vaghty baraye tajzie va tahlil baghy nemigozarad

va man nemidanam be ch ehaghy digaran be zendegye aan digary hokm mikonand.haman ha ke khali az gonah naboodeand.

man dooram,kheili door ama abro baad o mah o khorshid o falak ,hameie gezavathaye bija ya beja ra micharkhanad,negah midarad ve dar enteha be man miresanad.mesale baz kardane shire aaby ast ke be daroon shelang midavad..va man dar entehaye degar shelang istadeam!!feshare azim e harf bad az jarayane chandi dar zaman o makan.

cheshmanam ra moddaty ast ke basteam,gooshayam ra niz khaham bast,man dasthayam ra niz khaham bast ke be doa barafrashte boodam va baraye hamegan joz arezooie niki nemikardam.

zarfe mardome ma kheili koochak ast ,joz gerd e sard o khakestary chize degar dar khode negah midarad,dar zarfeshan gol bogzary barayeshan sangin khahad bood,aab bogzary kahhand aalood o khala berizi porash khahand kard az har anche be zehneshan o deleshan pas mande darand,

mardom e man ,tarikheshan be neveshtane hoogooge bashar,edalat,sekhavat ,shohre gashte ast,ama diri ast ke az an be doorand..mardom e man...nemikhahand be golle beresand.az door be nezare neshaseand o har anke pa be kooh nahad dar nazareshan haghir ast,fasele dideshan ra kam karde ast,na aani ke door shode ast..

mardom e man,key zendegy aghaz khahid kard,mardom e man....

Neda

2007-04-17T13:26:00.000-04:00

“The Desired Destination is you and all the monasteries are the excuses just to get to know you.”-A translation of a Persian poetry .

All of us have an unconscious desire berried inside ,forgotten in times. We are all looking for a reason to start the journey to that destination. Young dead love or, an unsuccessful business or a non finished course. They all may make us to just liberate ourselves from any suffers of this kind!

If I am supposed to suffer, I would suffer for something great, for the eternal comfort and the infinite beauty .

The ones who have seen the collapse of their desires and wishes they raise higher, better !Never broken? Maybe is the time to start to understand without breaking, a well structured, never broken heart and mind may be the better lead for our life.

If we are not broken hard yet, no need to wait for it, save the spirit and skip the suffer and just HIT THE ROAD!

Neda-Apr 17th 2007

Each Breath--Again Molana(Rumi)

2007-03-28T11:02:00.000-04:00

http://www.iranchamber.com/literature/jrumi/divan_shams/rumi_044.php

That is a pity that English translation would NEVER transfer the positive positive fluid of his poetry!The Farsi rhythm and the meanings are terribly pleasant!

Neda:)

OPEN it up to the life

2007-03-27T09:57:00.000-04:00

Achieving and making accomplishment seems to be accompanied with sever difficulties and impossible...by passing time, looking at THOSE moments ,joy arises form the deep part of all one's existence..

Now the road is divided not to two but to uncountable ways to go...each second is the matter of choosing ....each moment is saying yes or no ..taking the different route every day or the same...

Life is not single life...one could have thousands of lives in his life...experience of life is unlimited..

looking back, adventurous one ,would appreciate his adventure and the chance of facing with love in life..(love could be the simple word for the deep joy, joy of nature. music...work...book...they are all love!)

Giving chance to life to open all its arms to us is so passionate, tempting...on the way diving into life's arms, we would see lots of unwanted storms or ,harsh sun shine and so on..but resting in the wildness of all experiences is heaven...when one achieves all the experiences, there would be nothing unknown and so he will loose his fear, for fear is the child of facing with unknown, so no fear, will lead him to have best life..may all fears gone by experience.

may we all overcome to all our fears with experiencing all those things which may seem too much adventure for others. We are able to take all ,if just we let it come to us...

ALL come to us and make us grow!

Neda
July 26.06

2007-03-21T10:25:00.000-04:00

Illusion, Illusion,
Not a single moment seems true, not a single second would be foreseen.

Hands of all angels protecting you once in seventh heaven and once all your support is vanished and you are floating between here and nowhere, fear overcomes to any feeling and numbness of thought attacks ,but deep inside you know it is illusion ,tomorrow or the next second may not be the same .

All hopes are built by you, may it be demolished but still you have the hands to build it up again, unless your heart is killed by unfair thoughts or unkind collapses of storms.But still you may put your mirror in front of other rays and make other images, make other illusion, Is there any limit to number of illusions or any limit to the power of light?

We came from light and was born from light but in pain, may it be all the pains a way to the source.

Molana

2007-03-21T10:21:00.000-04:00

يـار مـرا , غار مـرا , عشق جگر خـوار مـرا يـار تـوئی , غار تـوئی , خواجه نگهدار مـرا
نوح تـوئی , روح تـوئی , فاتح و مفتوح تـوئی سينه مشروح تـوی , بر در اسرار مـرا
نـور تـوئی , سـور تـوئی , دولت منصور تـوئی مرغ کــه طور تـوئی , خسته به منقار مـرا
قطره توئی , بحر توئی , لطف توئی , قهر تـوئی قند تـوئی , زهر تـوئی , بيش ميازار مـرا
حجره خورشيد تـوئی , خانـه ناهيـد تـوئی روضه اوميد تـوئی , راه ده ای يار مـرا
روز تـوئی , روزه تـوئی , حاصل در يـوزه تـوئی آب تـوئی , کوزه تـوئی , آب ده اين بار مـرا
دانه تـوئی , دام تـوی , باده تـوئی , جام تـوئی پخته تـوئی , خام تـوئی , خام بمـگذار مـرا

http://www.farhangsara.com/ferfaniran_molanamolavi.htm

Norooz-Eid-Sale no

2007-03-19T12:01:00.000-04:00

به نام اهورای پاک که کورش ها را آفرید. آرش از کوه دماوند وطن را نگریست و صدا زد: کورش! مام میهن تنهاست ، نکند بار دگر رنج سکندر بیند و هزاران کورش.... و هزاران آرش..... ای آریایی در انتظار کدامین سوار سفید پوشی که تو را به سرزمین آرزوهایت برساند ، نشسته ای !؟ به سرزمین کورش ایمان بیاور که اینجا بهشت ماست...
با نگرشی نو و در مقابل حرکت انیران ما نیز سال نو خود را با نام فرزانگان ایرانی و در نخستین گام نام کورش بزرگ نام گذاری می کنیم تا از فرهنگ پاک و مقدسمان در مقابل هجوم تازه تازی تباران جلوگیری نماییم.
سال ۳۷۴۵ بهدینی برابر با ۱۳۸۶ خورشیدی را به نام کورش بزرگ ، اولین نگارنده منشور آزادی حقوق بشر می نامیم ، این مطلب را برداشت کرده و در تارنامه های خود قرار دهید و به همه ایراندوستان خبر دهید.
منبع : اشو زرتشت

Destiny-Destination

2007-03-17T03:37:00.000-04:00

Each time current destination seems the last one…but so far from truth…enormous destinations there and here and all universe is in a repeating flow

We have reached ,settled and moved on…we have seen…

Have seen mountains same but different, peak and height

Have seen the rivers ,the paths and stones. But still whatever we have seen is a drop in an ocean. and still many things to see and discover…

Never know where is the final destination to take a good rest of all tiredness of life…Maybe destiny is going to turn us round and round till that time we can’t handle it anymore……

And we have seen and we see and we will see,, it is good wish if we wish that haven’t seen that much so all were fresh and new for us to discover,,

So many scenes, have been in our lives or our dreams…sometimes repeating and seeing it again and again ,we may see it again and again till destiny stops going round and round.

Overwhelming of the repetition rises this question: How long it is going to happen?

Is there limited behavior of nature of people and nature of universe?...

Where is the place to stay and stay forever. I am tired , want to stay but not if there is any IF ..!not if there is any unhappiness. and not if there is a long way still to go…Maybe should hit the road again…again and again and in each stop put down some of my treasure which is my loyalty, trust and kindness. but if it is meant to be like that..no complain ,will live my life!

2007-03-17T03:17:00.000-04:00

Harbar magsad hamin boodan ast..ama ghafel az inke magsad bishmar ast o zamin gerd...
gardesh e ayyam ast o gardeshe zamin...be hamanja miresim ke boodeim...dideim..
kooha ra dideim ama har kooh ba inke kooh ast ba aan yeki motafavet ast..vali haman ghol va haman tan ra darad..

rood ra dideim..ha rood bastary darad o rangy..

va ma mibinim o dideim o khahim dideim..kash nemidanestim zamin gerd ast.kash nemidanestim o nadide boodim ta aan ke ra mibinim taze bood

dideim mo baz khahim did...ayyam o roozegar o zamin..migardad o ma niz hamcho aanah...

bezan motreb ke ma be navaye to micharkhim...

'bezan tar o bezan'

مهدی اخوان ثالث

2007-03-13T15:35:00.000-04:00

http://www.avayeazad.com/mehdi_akhavan_sales/list.htm

قاصدک !

2007-03-12T20:25:00.001-04:00

قاصدک ! هان ، چه خبر آوردی ؟

از کجا ، وزکه خبر آوردی؟
خوش خبر باشی ، اما ، اما
گرد بام و در من
بی ثمر می گردی
انتظار خبری نیست مرا
نه زیاری ، نه زدیار و دیاری ، باری
برو آن جا که بود چشمی و گوشی با کس
برو آنجا که ترا منتظرند
قاصدک!
در دل من همه کورند و کرند
دست بردار از این در وطن خویش غریب
قاصدِ تجربه های همه تلخ
با دلم می گوید
که دروغی تو، دروغ
که فریبی تو، فریب
قاصدک ! هان ، ولی ... آخر .... ای وای !
راستی آیا رفتی با باد ؟
با توام ، آی ! کجا رفتی ؟ آی ...!
راستی آیا جایی خبری هست هنوز ؟
مانده خاکستر گرمی جایی؟
در اجاقی - طمع شعله نمی بندم - خردک شرری هست هنوز؟
قاصدک !
ابرهای همه عالم شب و روز
در دلم می گریند

2007-03-12T13:50:00.000-04:00

یادمان باشداگر خاطرمان تنها شد طلب عشق ز هر بی سر و پایی نکنیم
یادمان باشداگر این دلمان بی کس شد طلب مهر ز هر چشم خماری نکنیم
یادمان باشدکه دگر لیلی و مجنونی نیست به چه قیمت دلمان بهر کسی چاک کنیم!
یادمان باشدکه در این بهر دو رنگی و ریا دگر حتی طلب آب ز دریا نکنیم یادمان باشد
اگر از پس هر شب روزیست دگر آن روز پی قلب سیاهی نرویم

Not to forget whenever we are alone,not begging for love from whom dosn't know love,
Not to forget whenever we are alone,not asking for kindness form whom doesn't know but momentous joy
Not to forget there is no LEILI, MAJNOON (real lovers)any more ,not to open our hearts to whoever is around.
Not to forget in this world of non purity which even sea has double colors,not asking anything even not water from sea.
Not to forget not to accompany any other dark heart tomorrow,if there is any tomorrow after today.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is not exactly what I believe in(alittle bit depression you can smell!) but was a nice advice for any of us,any where in the world ,any time!

Neda

2007-03-12T10:20:00.000-04:00

بيا تا گل بر افشانيم و مي در ساغر اندازيم فلك را سقف بشكافيم و طرحي نو در اندازيم
Let's spread flowers everywhere and pour wine,
and start a new way and get to the above
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Didn’t know tears came from my religious beliefs or memories or maybe nostalgia ..

A dark ,not too big hall and flowing light on a grey haired man and his Setar :Hussein Alizade …

Knew him very well, when I said good bye to 18 and just turned 19 ..when started to know Hafiz and Roomi and love little by little, realized can’t memorize the poetry but can enjoy it the best, started to know Meshkatian and Alizade..and thanks for good friends who open the new path to grow and lead toward the growth and better.

Arbaeen was the day (40 days after Imam Hussein’s death) but my tears were not because of that Hussein who died 13000 and so ago! Knew about the war Between dark and innocence …But didn’t have the chance to choose to love that Hussein..

My tears were warm and pleasant! At the same time seeing someone sitting next to me, never had the same tears or feeling were so interesting to me.He was from MUST NOT BELIEVE and I was from MUST BELIEVE !

Was my pleasure from religion that I never believed I believe in?

While they were trying to punish ,reward ,judge us based on religion somewhere not far from us other group was trying to make God vanished from hearts and minds ,punish,reward,judge based on not believing and we were puppets to be palyed.Both conditions were extreme and controlling.

To be the believer or not? For the very first time, I started to like religion, all those inner joy from music had some routs in my beliefs. Not religion but to believe in some thing above ,light…

Not believing in anything is like an antibiotics for feelings, it may kill both good and bad feelings. Not believing in anything may be the last thing I would like to happen to me!I like to have emotions, I like to have tears running way down my cheeks from time to time just hearing a real,touching music or a poetry in admiration of light.

All flowers of good bleiefs and good thought may grow in your life garden.

Neda
03/ 12/2007

2007-03-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

Bia ta gol bar afshanym o mey dar saaghar andazim..falak ra sagf beshkafim o tarhy no dar andzaim..

Nemidanestam ke mazhab man ra be greye khaand ,ya khatere ya vatan ya deltangy...
Haale tarik o na chandan bozorg o noor e rikhte bar sare setar o marde moo khakestary..na chandan pir o na chandan javan...:Hossein Alizade...

Khob mishenakhtamash vaghty az 18 salegey gozashtam o paa be 19 gozashtam ..vaghty taze be taze no be no Roomi ra kashf kardam o daryaftam agarche nemitavanam sher hefz konam ama sher ra doost daram..az an moge Alizade,Meshkatyan ra niz shenakhtam..(ya shenakhtan aghaz kardam)

Arbaeen bood ama ashke man az arbaeen nabood...13 hezar sal o andi ghabl man HOOZOOR nadashtam ,ama tarikhe zolm bar aleihe eddei nazalem ra midanestam...

Ahke man garm bood o khoshayand...va didan kesi kenaram ke hargez hamchon lahzehaey ra tajrobe nakarde ast barayam jaleb bood..

dar noghtey az jahan ,ma ra ba mazhab okht kardand.harchizi ra be mazhab rabt dadand o tashvigh kardand o tanbih kardand o gheazavate amaleman ra khoob bejay avardand ..dar hamin eyn na chandan door jaei bood ke mazhab ra koshtand o khoda ra pooch danestand o be haman soorat ke tashvigh o tanbih o gezavat paye bar din dasht anja bidini haakem bood,har do halat sakht doshvar o sakht ostovar..

Bidini behtar ast ya dindary?va in soal bar man hamlevar shod va midanestam baraye avalin bar din ra doost daram ,na be esme khas ke eteghad be bala ,eteghad be bartar va etegad be noor..va bidini chizi nist joz koshtane ehsase khoob..mesle antibiotiki ke ham khoob ra mikoshad ham bad...va mane dindar bayad asia konam khoobi ra az badi va khoobe din ra bargozainam o ehsase khoobam ra baghy gozaram,ama bidini hame ra koshte ast.nemikhaham bidin basham.

2007-03-09T16:39:00.001-05:00

Cliché’ cliché’, spring, window, Sun, breathe…

Everyday is like a fruit, with different shape, taste and smell…from same category but so different. Everyday is a fruit you should dip your teeth in it, feel it…taste it and enjoy the ability to taste it to feel it..

And every single day we consider ourselves so aware of what is going to happen, we dare to start another day, take another fruit of our life, but soon we realize that we don’t know enough of our life nor what is going to happen, this may lead us to get depressed or so upset. It is sometimes scary to taste what you have never tried, you have never seen. But that is our life to have what we have never had before, every day is a unique event ,a unique festival! And ceremony of breathing and being alive in this world, under THIS sky!
Even mirror hasn’t been hosting our image twice in a same shape! Now I want to go out, to breathe under this sky, I don’t know sun is going to be the same tomorrow, I don’t know I will be the same …Modernity, cubicals,shinning glasses, grey offices and super working Acs let me just go and taste my fruit in a REAL way. I will take of modernity, money later…
Do you want to accompany me?! Let’s go together..
NE DA

2007-03-09T16:13:00.000-05:00

Cliche'.Cliche' booye bahar ,panjare,aftab...

Har rooz gooya mivey ast ba range morafavet,boo va tame motafavet ..hame az yek rade ama na hamjens o na hamrang...har rooz tame khodash ra darad va roozhaye bahar tame degar az tame zemestan ya tabestan....

va har rooz be khiale inke midanim che khahad shod,che pish khahad amad ,shooroo mishavad ghafel az inke hich roozi mesle rooze degar nist..hatta ayne chehreye ma ra bish az yek bar be yek halat mizbani nakarde ast..

har roozaman ra doost midarim va az rooze degar bikhabarim,,,,gah az in bikhabary negaran mishavim o gah afsorde.Gooya har anche nemidanim azareman midahad o anche midanim jazebey nadarad,
khiale in ke rooze degar khahad resid ke betavanim bi daghdaghe ,zire aftabe na chandan sorkh rokh beneshinim o fagat be khod goosh dahim sakht doshvar ast.nemidanim farda khorshid haman rokh ra khahad dasht ya ma haman khahim bood...sandali koo...hamin hala mikhaham beravam biroon az modernity boodan khasteam..
shishehaye ainey...kaboodie daftar ...va havaye masnoei....nafasam ra mikhaham taze konam....bia ba ham beravim!!
Neda

2007-03-08T12:04:00.000-05:00

An English version of previous one:

You may smile, you may feel accomplished,
You may see all the beauties and all the happiness around , despite all depression and all darkness feel bright and lucky!

Not long after that feeling it blows from nowhere in your sunny sky.. Bringing all the clouds covering the shinning sun..
Leave you feeling: Is it me , causing this storm? Is it me each time feeling lucky and happy!?

Whenever I think I reached to the phase I can stand up and breathe and enjoy, feeling I got what I desired and wished for. I have the peace…It comes to me,black storms...

It is so scary to feel happy…when we are happy the entire universe seems to be eager to challenge our happiness
Are you ready to be happy?!
Do you dare to call yourself an achieving person?!
Has been a while I don’t even dare….

2007-03-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

Gah khodam ra moaffag mishemaram va be khod afarin migooyam..labkhandi bar labanam jaary mishavad ke belakhare dastgirey daram ke begiramash!zizad ham avizan nistam..

chand lahze (ya chand sate) bad chenan koobide mishavam ke mikhaham hargez be khod afarin nagooyam..
gooya dochare bazie lajbazi hastim ke ta aftab dar asemane ma padidar mishavad abrha ra bad az nakoja abad be azemaneman khahad avard ta bedanim ke hich kontroli bar anche darim ya be dast avardeim nadarim..

dele adam migirad ...va haras mehmane adami mishavad.haras az lezat bordan az zendegy...gooya gonahi bas azimtar az razi boodan,khoshhal boodan nist..gooya soofi boodane ma hatmi ast..zajr o baz ham zajr!

2007-03-08T11:06:00.000-05:00

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all. These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue; They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Though the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.
It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;
And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving
And is there aught you would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given;
Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.
You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.
And what desert greater shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

'The Prophet'

And We are giving to our men,all we have,all we love .We know when we get most hurt: To be considered as a chain to bine ,as a tool to suffer......

The day for the oneness could start from now...if not ready yet,never mind,we can start later!Women are always ready to love but maybe today is a better day to start...

..

2007-03-06T23:39:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time there was a girl not too lonely not to popular...in a very green city...she was living..
That city had spring and summer,fall and winter,,,rain was usual there and also snow..but it doesn't mean sun was not the guest of that sky..
not every day was sunny but girl was happy..
Flowers on his skirt was talking to her and reddish cheeks of her made her feeling as the world's queen..she was touching her hair...it was not as soft as shampoo model's hair but it was not that bad and it was real!

girl was happy in her unique world as happy as a butterfly in flower garden...
she was happy by imagining the clouds shaping different shapes Although they were did not exist in real world..

She was happy and free till one morning she woke up and they told her that she is grown up and has to get along with OTHER ONE...this is the tradition ,this is the way of life...it is the routine and followers are people and it is a must or abundant is going to happen and non follower may die alone and miserable..

The skirt's flower stayed the same and so did sky...sky was still blue and flower was still beautiful but she didn't have the eyes to see it anymore and mirror was dusted ..

sometimes tear was covering her eyes and sometimes the sorrow and fear of being with that OTHER ONE made her eyes sleep....she wouldn't see the things she used to see...

that girl is me ,that girl is you and we are meant to be with THE OTHER ONES..

Neda

nedatalks.blogspot.com

2007-03-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

oozi roozegary ,dokhtary na kheili tanha nakheili por tarafdar tooye ye jaye sabz zendegy mikard,,
injaye sabz ,bahaar dasht,zemestoon dasht,paeez dasht...baroon dasht ,barf bood...hame roozhash agarche aftaby nabood ama dele dokhtarak khosh bood..

gole rooye damanesh ham bahash harf mizad o sorkhie lopesh o ke too aie midid khial mikard malakeie doniast...dasty be moohash mikeshid..moohash be saafie mankane tablighe shaampoo nabood ama birikht ham naboood...

dokhtar to doniaye khodesh khosh bood.aftab dar miomad o miraft o shab mishod o rooz mioomad..

ta ike ye rooz az khab ke bidar shod ,did ke bozorg shode,,,,yeki kenaresh bod o behesh goftand,ta boode hamin boode va garar bar ine ke too in shahre gashang tanha nabashi o ba OON YEKI sar koni,,,

golhaye damane dokhtar hamoon bood o asemoon ham be hamoon gashangy ,ama cheshm e dokhtarak o too hamoon khoone ba OON YEKI boodan,,koor mikard...ashk gah parde mishod o gaah pelkash az zoore fekr o az zoore ghose baste mishod..golha hamoon boodan o donia hanooz gerd bood o asemoon hamoon rang...

hamechi hamoone ama maha ro koor kardan..hamoona ke mogarrarn hamishe too zendegy e ma bashand..hamoonha ke boodaneshoon gossedaremoon mikone va naboodaneshoon ma ro bi andaze bi arzesh jelve mide va tanha..

oon dokhtar manam,oon dokhtar toei..cheshmhamoon sare jash e ama OON YEKI ha gharar o azamoon gereftandd....